March 2025
The international situation had something to do with it, the ancient forces of springtime were surely at work, and the Bishop swore he’d seen funny lights over Hinckley. But the little world of the Dads was in any case sappy with energy all of its own: the accumulations of an exciting skittling season now entering its flowering stage.
As the Old Firm derby finale approached, the Dads WhatsApp chat grew feverish, and by four-o-clock on match day the Brig had no choice but to step in. “Look chaps it’s perfectly simple. Danny, Adam, PJB, Rob, JP, Jeremy and Jim are going with Julian, Chalky, Jeremy, Julian and Fitz are going with Fitz, JP is deputy because I’m not playing, and I’m playing so JP can you please jump in with Channy, Dalky and Jitz. Thanks.”
In fact, the Dads’ WhatsApp batshittery was a devious counterintelligence ruse. Inspired by the US defence department’s addition of a journalist to their top secret War Plans group, JP had earlier that week added the Old Contemptibles’ Social Media, Data Protection and Sustainable Skittles officers to the Dads’ channel. As the OCs gleefully shared news of the Dads’ seeming disarray, the trap was set.
“Well jolly good show you men”, said the Brig later that night outside the White Hart. The vanquished opponents had fled and the Brig scanned the starry horizon with the air of a man well pleased. “Cup for Fitz, season points record for Jim, joint hand record for JP, and the Old Contemptibles shut up until the autumn. Gosh it is looking a bit green over Hinckley isn’t it. Right, good night everyone. Who’s driving?”